On April 2nd the Black Student Alliance hosted a forum titled: Where are all the Black Men? The co-sponsors were Concerned Black Men, Roosevelt Institute, Beta Beta Theta Chapter, Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. and Kappa Chi Chapter, and Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc. The guest speaker was Steven T. Birdine motivational speaker and President and CEO of affirmations in action.
Throughout the forum there is a call and response: He says Affirmation the audience responds action...
The forum was a discussion on African-Americans and relationships. He emphasized that we have to be able to talk to each other. To begin a conversation with just simply: How was you day? What do you like? etc.
From there he went into an exercise that was very eye opening. First the audience was asked to list positive black men. The he asked the audience to say stereotypes of men and then women. The stereotypes that were listed for the men were: Dogs, Lazy, Liars etc. and for women: gold diggers, bad attitudes and more.
Afterwards, he told the audience that the stereotypes were 99% negative that he did not ask for negative or positive, so anyone could have said positive things. This was eye opening because it was showing that when women look at black men or men look at black women we already have negative stereotypes in our minds before we even engage in conversation to get to know that person.
Mr. Birdine made a statement that many women have heard before: Who do dogs hang out with? Answer of course was other dogs. In other words all of times women get the "dogs" because of something they are doing that is attracting them.
A quote that I liked was: "You like yourself, you will never be lonely by yourself". This is true and needs to be taught to young women today. Another one was if you feel good about yourself you will not let anyone disrespect you.
The focus was then again on the males and their stereotypes of "being a man". Mr. Birdine said men need to learn to show their emotions. He said. "Every part of your body you are supposed to use" in other words that includes your tear ducts - crying. He addressed the fact that many men are more worried about impressing their male friends.
The conversation switched back to the women and how they see black men. He said, "Whatever you focus on is what you see." So women should stop looking at the men as negative and change what they see. When in a relationship his advice to the men was, a women should feel like the most loved woman in the room." this of course got a positive reaction of claps from the women in the fully packed room.
His advice for having a good relationship was to study a positive relationship including talking to the "old folks" and learn something from them. Also to not just always talk in the relationship but listen and try to understand the other person's perspective. The people involved will do better if they just tell the truth. He said this in reference to his past when he sent mixed messages to women and left them hurt. He gave an example of how he went and told those people he hurt he was sorry later on in his life. Also that apart of life and growing up is "loves and hurts". More advice to men was for them to go all into a relationship. Meaning if your going to commit to a person then do it with your whole heart.
Some tips for just everyday life where to answer these questions and act on them.
You can maximize any relationship your in or want to be in, if only ...
You can maximize your full potential as a man or women if only....
Greet people in a way that it empowers you.. When someone says how are you answer: Wonderful, Blessed, etc. His greeting example was "Unstoppable".
Positive attitudes make a positive relationship... Some tips for positive relationships:
Learn to do things that women like to do. His personal example was going into a clothing store with his wife because she enjoys shopping.
Treat relationships like a bank: Make enough deposits so when you make a mistake you can make a withdrawal.
Success comes before work only in the dictionary - to have success it takes work.
The last exercise was learning to look at things from others perspectives and realizing that we don't know everything but need others to help us learn.
The audience was told to pick a partner and that one person was to close their eyes. He then put up a slide of an old women’s' face. Then the partners were supposed to switch and the picture the other partner saw was of a younger women's face. Then he put both the pictures up and they looked like one. Both partners were to open their eyes and see if they could see what the other partner saw if not they had to ask the partner to show them. This was all to prove his point and it did so effectively.
He also talked directly to black men issues:
How men used to know how to talk one way with his friends and "switch it up" when it came to talking at an interview. He gave an example of watching a male working at McDonalds mopping the floor and every few seconds having to pull up his pants because they were too big and he had no belt. His point was an employer could hire someone else to do the job the faster because he wouldn't have that problem. It is okay to dress in the culture around friends but not at the job was his other point.
Another issue was the number of males not graduating from high school and the standardized tests that make sure some do not get out. The statistic given was only 41% if black men graduate from high school.
Overall the forum was very effective I learned a lot about how I personally have my own views of black men. I also learned how to enjoy not being in a relationship but just being with myself.
Affirmations In Action, President/CEO, Steven T. Birdine: www.stevebirdine.com website
Concerned Black Men: www.cbmdc.org/
3 comments:
This is a topic that plagues the Black community and is always a topic of discussion at social gatherings with single women. My girlfriends and I have always asked to question, “Where are all the good Black Men?” And although there is no specific answer, we have come to two conclusions; there are plenty of Black Men, just no good ones and Black women’s standards have been raised.
The Black men that are in my generation are not being raised to be strong black men that desire to be positive and contribute to our society. It frustrates me to know that Black men are not teaching young Black boys to be Black men. The images that these young men will learn how to be a man through osmosis.
In the past 30 years, we have seen the increase in single mother households. Why is this? Mainly because the black men are not stepping up and taking care of their responsibilities. This has made the Black woman independent of the Black man. Our expectations of Black men have become very low and our standards have become extremely high. Black women are no longer clinging to the notion that “every black woman, needs a black man.” Black women are exploring their options and making relationship decisions, not based on race.
I believe that this forum will start a dialogue between black woman and black men. Trying to determine the cause of this problem and how can it be remedied.
-KaTysha
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